Soft Opening

Welcome to my blog, what the hell is going on, etc.

It seems fitting to offer an overview of what this is and why I’m writing a blog in the first place. And, if I’m lucky, maybe you’ll want to read what comes next.

Anyway. Let’s start with me. I’m Carine (Cah-Reen) and I just graduated from Harvard College with a degree in government. Along the way I studied data science, economics, and national security. If you can’t tell from the sheer fact that I’m writing a blog, I’m rather opinionated and I like to share those opinions. This proclivity drew me into journalism during my undergrad years (iew, I can refer to them as my undergrad years now…). I wrote for the Crimson and spent a summer at National Review, discovering a deep love of writing and reporting.

I think I’m pretty type-a. I follow the rules, work hard, and enjoy structure. “So why the hell are you living out of a backpack in Europe for a year, Carine? Why aren’t you flocking to the Harvard post-graduation meccas of IB and consulting, New York and fat paychecks?”

Let’s rewind.

Within the last few months of graduation, I had accepted a gig in government consulting and was planning to trek down to DC to start a career that would land me somewhere in national security. A few weeks before graduation, I was nominated for the Finley Fellowship after its committee caught wind of a previous fellowship proposal I had written.

The gist was that I wanted a chance to rediscover my faith (I’m Catholic and was raised in the Melkite, Maronite, and Roman Catholic traditions). More specifically, I wanted to rediscover my faith in the context of servant leadership seeing as I was about to begin the “adulting” phase of life. Since national security was/is the goal, I figured I wanted to be grounded in my sense of morality and have a clear understanding of what is right and wrong in my book. National security, as far as I can see, is an area that involves weighing right and wrong a whole lot.

I would discover servant leadership on what I call an “extended pilgrimage,” visiting convents, volunteering, and hiking across Europe. I opted for a traveling fellowship like the Finley because I wanted a challenge and I wanted the time to do this self-discovery thing the right way.

But, like I said, I like structure. So it’s no surprise that I am scared out of my mind.

Eight months to a year of unstructured activity with no clear purpose in advancing my career is perhaps my worst nightmare, professionally. But personally, I am drawn to spontaneity and have always wanted to be the girl that drops everything to Go WitH tHe FloW. Yet every time “the flow” presents itself, I’ve often passed it by, opting to work towards educational and career-minded achievements.

I’m a 22-year old woman traveling alone. I’m backpacking Europe like some free-spirited vagrant though I naturally crave routine and structure. And I’m passing up a year of traditional work experience to invest in my ~personal growth~.

I said yes to this fellowship with a sense of longing, making the decision from somewhere up in the air, looking down and romantically imagining myself as the type of girl that can do this, “that girl,” the one I always wanted to be but also somewhat disapproved of. The one I saw as reckless and unaware of conventional duty to work and personal achievement.

But a tiny voice kept reminding me that not many people get the chance to travel for free for a year. Not many people get the luxury of dedicating an extended period of time to discovering their faith and challenging their understandings of success and achievement. Not many people get to be “that girl,” the version of themselves they’ve always yearned for and wondered about.

So here’s the story of my journey to being “that girl.” Not exactly sure who that is, but she would have definitely started by dropping everything for a year abroad, for a year out of a backpack.

---

Follow along to hear about my personal discoveries, struggles and triumphs with faith, political observations, and conversations with people across Europe.